In the Busy Trap? Ask “I’m Doing This, So That What?”
Do you ever feel like you're just doing things, all the time — sending emails, writing blogs, updating Instagram and LinkedIn — but not actually getting the work you deeply want? I’ve been there. In fact, in my latest coaching circle, one person perfectly described what I call the “busy trap.”
She was doing all the right things — marketing, content creation, engagement — exactly what many of us think we should be doing. But she quietly confessed: she wasn’t getting the results she truly wanted. And that made me pause and reflect: who is doing the work inside her?
Who’s Pulling the Strings Behind the Hustle?
In my own experience, there’s a part of me I call the “good girl.” She’s young, eager to please, deeply injured. Her belief is that survival in this world comes from being “really good.” So she adopts every recommendation she sees — from Instagram to friends — without asking the deeper questions. She doesn’t pause to ask what she truly wants.
Then there’s another part of me — the “CEO,” the “Boss,” the Adult — that can ask those questions:
I’m doing this, so that what? What’s the real purpose behind my tasks, my projects, my goals?
This part of me has the capacity to align every task to its true purpose: this blog supports that project; that project supports my job; my job supports this year’s goal; this year’s goal ties into my five-year vision; and that vision reflects my life’s purpose. When I can answer “so that what?” in a way that my body resonates with — a strong, embodied yes — the magic starts to happen: I experience less chaos and more flow.
The Hidden Work: Getting to Know Who Is Leading
It’s tempting to think “getting things done” is all about systems — better to-do lists, more structure, more productivity hacks. But the real, hidden work is knowing who inside you is making the decisions.
Is it your inner “good girl,” striving to survive? Or is it a more grounded, wise part? In Internal Family Systems (IFS), that wise core is often called the Self, and when the Self is leading, things shift. You feel different. More creative. More spacious. More compassionate. Less reactive.
IFS describes eight core qualities of this Self — often called the 8 Cs, and they’re like an internal compass for Self-leadership. theifsjournal.com+2Everything IFS+2
Here are the 8 Cs, and their questions, which can guide you out of the busy trap:
An Invitation: Ask “So What?” This Week
Here’s my invitation to you (and to myself):
Review your tasks and projects — everything you’re doing right now.
Ask your core question: “So that what?” — Why am I doing this? What deeper goal or part does it serve?
Tune into which “part” is answering. Is it coming from a place of external pressure, or from your wiser Self?
Sense into the 8 Cs: Do you feel calm? Curious? Compassionate? Creative? Connected? If not, can you slow down and reconnect with your core Self energy?
Why the Season Matters
This is especially timely. As we approach the end of the year — and the busy trap of the holiday season — there’s a deeper invitation to slow down:
Winter asks us to reflect, not hustle.
Quiet evenings by candlelight call us to look inward.
The pause before spring can help you realign with what truly matters: your purpose, your values, your Self.
If your daily tasks feel misaligned, your body will tell you. You might feel exhaustion, resentment, or even a tightness in your chest — that’s not just burnout. It could be your Self signalling: “These tasks and projects don’t resonate. Let’s re-center.”
A Gift for You
So, here’s my gift to you: the question “So that what?” — as a compass. May it help you and all your parts begin 2026 with purpose, clarity, and compassion.